can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
