i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
