i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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