I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
