why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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