just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whose parrot is this?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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