You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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