just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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