How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
