How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
