She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
