dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
