After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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