Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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