ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
