I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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