Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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