You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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