I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
