'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
