Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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