My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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