She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
