I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
