I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
