Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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