I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.