So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.