You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So how was he last night?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.