Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.