I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.