ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize