Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
