Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
