Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
