I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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