And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
