We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
