Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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