8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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