2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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