shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
