Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
being pregnant is like rehab
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
