dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
