Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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