I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
