apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I touched a dick in church today
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
