Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
