i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
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They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
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Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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