Apparently you make a good broom.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
