Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Randomize
