Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
