Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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