Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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