my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
