It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
