i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
