You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
