you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
