i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
