I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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