What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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