Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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