I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
