Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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