I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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