this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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