You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
